She wished she had worn make-up
the day she became an icon
But sweat burned her cheeks like gasoline
her shirt stained with factory oil
hair cut short, efficient
She barely even smirked
Some lipstick wouldn’t hurt
A little color in this black and white world
If she had the time
she’d pull out her old paint
sculpt brows on a flawless face
throw on her dependable red, his favorite
flash her whitest smile for
a camera that made her look pretty
Outside her industrial fortress
guarded by structure and lines
guarded by structure and lines
Before biceps bulged and
eyes turned gray
She was Mary from New Hampshire
Homecoming queen, wife, mother of four
Now, she is the new woman
immortalized in propaganda, the good kind
Hope, equality, something grand like that
But still, she hopes
Somewhere far away
a man remembers his wife
a pretty woman in a red dress
a pretty woman in a red dress
The idea behind this is breathtaking: looking deeper into a rock-hard feminist icon to see a humanly ambivalent murkiness beneath the surface. I like the fact that I'm not sure if this is a lament, a non-ideal first stage of this battle that wasn't there yet in its confidence; or a call for understanding of some precious femininity within the woman that is beautiful and misunderstood. I like the alternating of colors in the imagery: black, white, and red in the second stanza; grey in the third; red in the final. Maybe inserting one of these into the first stanza for balance? Just a thought. I really like this.
ReplyDeleteI like that there is feminism and Chivalrous ideas intertwined which makes life more interesting in my mind. I am not sure that "She wished she had worn make-up the day that she became an icon" should start off this poem, because someones ideas come from within and chivalry doesn't rely on materialism. Chivalry is solely how a man treats a woman with respect in society just for being a woman; not for wearing a mask and covering up her identity. A woman wearing Make-up is for her to have that extra dose of confidence and not how society understands her notions. Although "Perception is reality" sometimes "Ignorance" is not "Bliss"; even with a pretty and make-up covered face. She's important because of her character not what she wears. That being said I like the words "in a red dress." Maybe clarify that wearing the "red dress" gives her more assurance about herself? The type of man she deserves would remember her best qualities and character.
ReplyDeleteI love this insightful portrait of a human being within a classic icon
ReplyDeleteI saw this less as being about conflicting values of feminism/femininity and more about our tendency to turn images and people into icons which represent only one thing, and only that which serves our purpose, and to forget about the inevitably complex human behind any “type.”
Thoughts on lines:
I think you can cut “that” in the line “on the day that she became an icon”
Since the second stanza is continuing her thoughts from the first stanza, I think there is no need to write “she thought.”
A word choice suggestion: “a little color in this monochrome world”—to me, the presence of “black and white” indicates that there is not enough gray…whereas monochrome indicates that there is not enough color…or maybe I just like the word “monochrome.”
When you write “paint” I assume you mean makeup? I found it a bit of a jarring word choice, rather than fresh, because I don’t really associate a paint set with makeup…unless maybe you specifically use the word in conjunction with putting on makeup: something like "she'd paint her face the old colors."
I like the parallelism of "HER dependable red, HIS, favorite"--and this first, subtle hint to the husband who reappears and becomes important in the last stanza.
I think you can cut "and"--and leave it as "flash her whitest smile."
I like "industrial fortress"
"Another life" is unnecessary--we can already see that.
I like how "the" new woman (as opposed to "a") indicates that it is not so much that she's changed personally and more that she represents a new kind of woman/woman's role in wartime.
I like how what she represents is presented as something somewhat vague and removed from her as a person
I would cut "but still" and begin with "she hopes"
Taking this poem relatively literally, I’m assuming her husband is presumably off at war--maybe add a bit more of a hint to that in the language--a line after "somewhere far away"--showing where he is.
Because you end on the image of the "pretty woman in the red dress,” I’d love to see a more detailed, specific image--instead of this more general one...of a “pretty woman in a red dress”—or even maybe one of the two of them together? You mentioned homecoming--maybe borrow from the image--the two of them dancing together or something--highlighting their current distance apart...
Lots of great comments here. I just wanted to mention that "paint" was a slang word for make-up during the time when the original Rosie posters were being made. So I thought it was a great choice of words. But overall, great job being so detailed and specific here. It's much appreciated.
DeleteI absolutely adore the content of this poem and how it is constructed and how its implications almost intuitively extend past the instance described here in this deep phenomenological manner. I would say there are some instances of extraneous words but over all it has a great tone and style that carries though the whole piece.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fresh imagining of the human emotions and thoughts behind a female mascot/ symbol. I liked the tension between the new, progressive woman and the docile, home- maker woman. It is quite creative that you thought up wistful feelings for home-making in an poster which encourages women in the workforce.
ReplyDeleteI really liked "industrial fortress".
Suggestions:
Remove 'but' from "But sweat burned...".
I thought you could amp up some of the language, verbs - ex: "a camera that made her look pretty", replace made with 'colored', 'rendered'...
The line break after 'and' in "Before biceps bulged and/ eyes turned gray" seems a bit awkward. Maybe change it.
Good job.
I really enjoyed this poem. It's one of the more successful character poems (developed from the prompt in the Kowit book) that I've read since I started teaching from it. Your consistence in diction and balanced lines help the poem seem natural in this free verse form.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite lines here is "immortalized in propaganda, the good kind." I can really hear the speaker's voice emerge in that line, esp in the (necessary) qualification that this is a good kind of propaganda.
I thought "china face" was a little off. It implies something too precious for this context, as I see it.
I like "industrial fortress," but I thought it would have been even better if followed up with a little more detail to help us see the "fortress."
Maybe some of this could be more compact, like "a camera that made her look pretty" could be "a camera that prettified her" (I think the old fashioned sounding verb works in this context, but that's just me.)
I love the idea of a still emotionally tender "Rosie" dreaming of a husband beneath her steely exterior. Effective ending. Well done!
Wow! Majorly wow. I enjoyed reading every second of this. You really did an excellent job of portraying how woman felt and acted centuries ago...
ReplyDelete"sculpt brows on a china face"- I like the reference of putting on makeup, although I did not quite get the "China Face" part.
"Outside her industrial fortress
Before biceps bulged "- I need some clarity on this part but I am assuming by fortress you mean the factory she was working? and what is the "before" part referring to?
Overall, amazing job & love your fresh perspective on it!
I really like how you turned the idea of an icon inside-out. The commonly shouted demand is that we start viewing our women as stronger, that we respect the wives who took care of the homes and factories as heroes, that they become feminist icons and symbols of a brighter, more egalitarian future.
ReplyDeleteBut the other side is the more personal- the wife who rolled up her shirtsleeves for her husband and her children, with no larger scheme and no echoing battle march in her heart- literal labor of love. I feel like that nostalgia is what you portray here, captured exquisitely in these two lines:
"immortalized in propaganda, the good kind
Hope, equality, something grand like that"
versus
"But still, she hopes
Somewhere far away
a man remembers his wife
a pretty woman in a red dress"
Thought-provoking, well written, awesome. The only thing I'd counsel is maybe a bit more detail about what she did? The poem works without it tho, such an interesting message.