You really capitalize on every word (not like uppercase letters, like you pick good words)! One of the thigns I really admire about almost all of these poems is that they begin with interesting lines that force me to continue-- I wanted to know what you meant! Especially "Tilt that heaven's scope."
I really liked all of these poems. All in totally different styles but each one is still so enjoyable to read. Each one is amazingly poetic in its simplicity. I especially liked the last one with the repeating "what i mean is" and how that draws the reader in.
This are absolutely stunning and incredibly powerful especially for having to be written in so few lines and words. Each of them individually spurred a deep emotional reaction and when read as a group it is such a beautiful emotional ride. The two comments I would make would be to cut the disclaimer at the end of the first poem and in the last one see if you can add another "i mean" because it sounds like a list that only has 2 items on it
I love the comical cynicism here, tempered with some genuine emotion. Definitely a fan. They all serve as examples of something different- the first, clever irreverent mockery and word play. The second- I love "tilt that heaven's scope" as a by phrase for "change your perspective"- so creative and vividly visual. A nod to the Thomas Mann reference- I feel like this is one of the places where allusion really works, because in one phrase you're pulling on all the modernism, internal mental turmoil, and decadence of Mann's work. The last one reads for me like spoken word poetry- as if you're literally spilling your thoughts onto the page. Loved.
I agree with the others above. These are notably successful Twitter poems. It's hard to manage the form with any real gravity, but here, in the last three tweets, you pull it off. My favorite is "If I ever forget I love." It's a small but nearly perfect little love poem. I am especially impressed by how the last line presents the speaker as the painter of her world. It is a subtly affirmative line, suggesting that the speaker, despite still feeling longing, is strong enough to mix her own palette of creative and transformative power. This is the magic of this little poem--how subtly it implies a whole romantic narrative, from longing, to loss, to recovery. Really strong work on this one, Shoshy.
I loved the first one. It was comical, and very witty. It is definitely my favorite one of the four. It's just really funny, (and relatable), and I think that the choice to put that disclaimer at the end was perfect. I also really liked the third one. I like how the end showed that you were the one painting this story. The last one is also SO GOOD. I love how you are just speaking so simply, because it comes out so clear and beautifully. I really like how you continue to say "What I mean is," throughout this little poem. And the last line "What I mean is, I'm finding it hard to let go." I thought that was really necessary for the poem, and it left me very satisfied. These were really incredible. Great job.
LOVED the first one, thought it was incredibly funny and clever all at once! I also really enjoyed reading the third poem you posted and found it to be extremely graceful, clever, and well written. I love how the speaker is also a painter. Amazing job!
This an impressively satisfying collage of "short and to the point" poetry. I think the succintness really played to your strengths, bottling the natural punch of your voice in a more concentrated form.
In the first poem, I think what makes it so successful is the musicality of it. "Achievement" doesn't seem such a pretty word, but using it 3 times makes it kind of rhyme with itself and take on a bouncy, catchy kind of sound. And that makes the punchline all the more sharp, since the bounciness kind of stops for this blunt revelation.
The last one is fabulous. FIrst of all, the content is so clever. It's almost suprising that it's a poem because it's so spelled out and uneditted. I'm torn because it might be a touch too uneditted -- there's more telling than showing, despite the 80s movie metaphor. But I don't think I'd like it so much without the little words that give it voice
I thought It was cool and creative how each poem was crafted differently, with different wording and line breaks. The first poem is my favorite, as it kind of describes (without much detail) the 3 "layers" so to speak of how a person can feel in regards to their achievements and the disclaimer was my favorite. Very clever. I thought the last poem was also clever and prose like and the simplistic nature of the poem made it easy for readers to understand! Nice job!
You really capitalize on every word (not like uppercase letters, like you pick good words)! One of the thigns I really admire about almost all of these poems is that they begin with interesting lines that force me to continue-- I wanted to know what you meant! Especially "Tilt that heaven's scope."
ReplyDeleteI really liked all of these poems. All in totally different styles but each one is still so enjoyable to read. Each one is amazingly poetic in its simplicity. I especially liked the last one with the repeating "what i mean is" and how that draws the reader in.
ReplyDeleteThis are absolutely stunning and incredibly powerful especially for having to be written in so few lines and words. Each of them individually spurred a deep emotional reaction and when read as a group it is such a beautiful emotional ride. The two comments I would make would be to cut the disclaimer at the end of the first poem and in the last one see if you can add another "i mean" because it sounds like a list that only has 2 items on it
ReplyDeleteI love the comical cynicism here, tempered with some genuine emotion. Definitely a fan. They all serve as examples of something different- the first, clever irreverent mockery and word play. The second- I love "tilt that heaven's scope" as a by phrase for "change your perspective"- so creative and vividly visual. A nod to the Thomas Mann reference- I feel like this is one of the places where allusion really works, because in one phrase you're pulling on all the modernism, internal mental turmoil, and decadence of Mann's work. The last one reads for me like spoken word poetry- as if you're literally spilling your thoughts onto the page. Loved.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others above. These are notably successful Twitter poems. It's hard to manage the form with any real gravity, but here, in the last three tweets, you pull it off. My favorite is "If I ever forget I love." It's a small but nearly perfect little love poem. I am especially impressed by how the last line presents the speaker as the painter of her world. It is a subtly affirmative line, suggesting that the speaker, despite still feeling longing, is strong enough to mix her own palette of creative and transformative power. This is the magic of this little poem--how subtly it implies a whole romantic narrative, from longing, to loss, to recovery. Really strong work on this one, Shoshy.
ReplyDeleteI loved the first one. It was comical, and very witty. It is definitely my favorite one of the four. It's just really funny, (and relatable), and I think that the choice to put that disclaimer at the end was perfect.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked the third one. I like how the end showed that you were the one painting this story.
The last one is also SO GOOD. I love how you are just speaking so simply, because it comes out so clear and beautifully. I really like how you continue to say "What I mean is," throughout this little poem. And the last line "What I mean is, I'm finding it hard to let go." I thought that was really necessary for the poem, and it left me very satisfied. These were really incredible. Great job.
LOVED the first one, thought it was incredibly funny and clever all at once! I also really enjoyed reading the third poem you posted and found it to be extremely graceful, clever, and well written. I love how the speaker is also a painter. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteThis an impressively satisfying collage of "short and to the point" poetry. I think the succintness really played to your strengths, bottling the natural punch of your voice in a more concentrated form.
ReplyDeleteIn the first poem, I think what makes it so successful is the musicality of it. "Achievement" doesn't seem such a pretty word, but using it 3 times makes it kind of rhyme with itself and take on a bouncy, catchy kind of sound. And that makes the punchline all the more sharp, since the bounciness kind of stops for this blunt revelation.
The last one is fabulous. FIrst of all, the content is so clever. It's almost suprising that it's a poem because it's so spelled out and uneditted. I'm torn because it might be a touch too uneditted -- there's more telling than showing, despite the 80s movie metaphor. But I don't think I'd like it so much without the little words that give it voice
I thought It was cool and creative how each poem was crafted differently, with different wording and line breaks.
ReplyDeleteThe first poem is my favorite, as it kind of describes (without much detail) the 3 "layers" so to speak of how a person can feel in regards to their achievements and the disclaimer was my favorite. Very clever.
I thought the last poem was also clever and prose like and the simplistic nature of the poem made it easy for readers to understand! Nice job!